grrrrrr...

someone manning the kitchen timer and i'm jolted from a nap. summit of flummoxed--- the phrase repeating, half asleep. my sleeping brain is smarter than i am. clearly.

last night awoke from heavy sleep because i imagined someone tapping on my window sill. i left the window open because it was hot. my hip bone and elbow trying to gouge trenches. my neck arched in inappropriate ways. i'm facing the window. the one eye is straining into the darkness, trying to see who is there. my first reaction is to jump out of bed. but i can't. i can't move at all. only my eye. i can't even breath. i'm terrified. paralyzed. not paralyzed with fear, just plain paralyzed. and this happens frequently when i awake from a bad dream. that painting, you know the one, the demon sitting on her chest. night terrors. the haints trying to suck my breath. but it was different this time because i recognized what was happening. i knew if i closed my eye and went back to sleep for thirty seconds my body would wake up, too. and it did. and then i jumped out of bed and slammed the window shut. irrational, yes. nobody there. nobody there. normally, the night isn't what frightens me.

crikey. cor. (a good scare makes me sound cockney).